Grief and Christmas

[Littlestar123]

Having lost our mum very suddenly a few months ago. Currently no decorations up considering putting them up next weekend. Not sure about the tree as the person who bought it has decided to stop speaking to me too. What have people done the same/differently the first Christmas without a close loved one?

[Hamble]

Sorry to hear of your loss littlestar.

It has to feel right for you the person left behind.

Why not forget the decorations this year if your heart is not in it.

Be a Christmas visitor to the homes of friends and family you feel
comfortable with.

[gazaprop]

I know this will sound like the biggest cliche around but think of how the departed would see this.
I'm sure the majority would be aghast at the thought of saddness over them at Christmas. I lost my Dad this year and on Christmas day I'm going to ask the kids and grandkids to tell of a favorite memory for him an then toast to absent friends.

[jamyramy]

sorry to hear of your loss.yes the first xmas is always the hardest.yet its made harder by all the build up and hype surrounding it from shops media ,the whole must be an abundant time of joy and happiness presentation where bombarded with.this is why its a very hard time ,not just for the bereft but also for those alone or ailing.i have none find it so trying as well.but I treat it as another day,go out for a long quiete walk and have a nice meal and reflective moment,and remember and toast those gone those that mean something.also give something to a stranger in need as well.id suggest just leave the decos just have a quiete reflective time,do a little something thoughtful of your mum,with yourselves ignore the festive hype ,its really just another day.but remember this we don't die we just pass,their always there,just a thought away within your heart,and memories.have those thoughts quietly at that time ,and the ache inside will a warm heartfelt glow become. as for the people not talking thing gently just accept its still early days all will be feeling as well ,stuff gets said and done that's out of meaning as theres so much emotion rolling round ,so just be passive and it will probably resolve over time. hope this time will pass gently for you and yours.regards jamy x

[bambi275]

Christmas eve 2014 my Dad went into the hospice and passed away the day after Boxing Day. Christmas Eve 2015 was the day of my Mum's last radiotherapy, we lost her two months later, early March 2016. That year was the first without both. This year in starting to feel a little Christmassy but we are sadly about to lose another relative.
Do whatever feel right for you and those who you live with. If it gets too much on the day then get out of the house and go for a walk. Looking at nature and getting some fresh air has an amazing affect on how you feel. In time, you will come to know what traditions you wish to keep and what fresh starts you will make to make Christmas your own just as out parents did when they lost their parents. Don't put pressure on yourself to have a 'Happy Christmas' - just go with the flow. There are 364 other days in the year to be sad or happy and 11 more months were Christmas is far away.
Look back fondly on memories you hopefully have and do whatever feels natural to you.
Sending hugs to all those in a similar situation. I received lovely posts after writing on here about losing Dad. There are many of us in a similar situation. You won't be the only person grieving at Christmas but there will hopefully be plenty of more happy celebrations to come over the following years

[jonnybgood]

Lost my Mother and Sister tragically 6 years ago,and hate this time of year,too many memories,and only put a tree up last year,for the first time in 5 years,and as yet still not put tree up this year.

[Albion102]

It is a difficult time of year. It was easy for me because for all the close people I have lost, Christmas was not really a big thing. I've been known to catch up on work emails etc. on xmas day, and when younger did the Daley Thompson and did an extra hard training session on Christmas day.

There have been two or three years where Christmas day has been wholly under my control and to be honest, I didn't bother and treated it as just a day off.

With my new family, we are having a get together in a big house in the middle of nowhere - and it is with some trepidation that I enter into that proposition.

I guess what I am trying to say is "do what suits you", whether that is being with friends or something much quieter.

[Hamble]

It is a difficult time of year. It was easy for me because for all the close people I have lost, Christmas was not really a big thing. I've been known to catch up on work emails etc. on xmas day, and when younger did the Daley Thompson and did an extra hard training session on Christmas day.

There have been two or three years where Christmas day has been wholly under my control and to be honest, I didn't bother and treated it as just a day off.

With my new family, we are having a get together in a big house in the middle of nowhere - and it is with some trepidation that I enter into that proposition.

I guess what I am trying to say is "do what suits you", whether that is being with friends or something much quieter.

Gosh that is tough!
I am very happy for you though.
Have a wonderful Christmas in this new exciting part of your life.


Our daughter is bringing her boyfriend to stay for Christmas.
A first for us.
I have told Mr Hamble he must not interview or interrogate just
enquire.

[grassroots]

In 2005 I lost a son he was 34 . Now at Christmas my mind goes back to when he was a child and seeing the joy on his face on Christmas morning . His cheeky grin has never left me .

[Hamble]

In 2005 I lost a son he was 34 . Now at Christmas my mind goes back to when he was a child and seeing the joy on his face on Christmas morning . His cheeky grin has never left me .

Big hug gr.

xxxx

[grassroots]

Big hug gr.

xxxx

:

[MICK/GILLY]

I lost my mum 28 yrs ago today around this time of night, they say the sadness and feeling of loss will get better with time, I am hoping it will.

[jamyramy]

I lost my mum 28 yrs ago today around this time of night, they say the sadness and feeling of loss will get better with time, I am hoping it will.

my mum was lovely too had the most accepting of relationships,held her when she passed,a privelidge through the pain of her passing , the tears held back,her smile her eyes from her soul helped to let her go,but yet this I so know ,we don't lose them ,for they only pass,they are there every hour of every day,we have to let go just gently openly sense and they are there,in your dreams ,memories and quiet gentle moments,and those times of despair .let the pain of loss go ,a feel the love of each you have. regards jamy.

[rainydaze]

You’re gonna have to pack it in, Jamyramy, you keep making me cry

[jamyramy]

im sorry didn't wish to offend ,just an offering of empathetic comfort from my own experiences.i do apologise.x